10 January 2011

So Many Questions, But No Doubt

And like Christopher Robin tells Pooh you will find in that moment, "You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem...

Are there moments in your life when you wonder if you could have lived your life differently, would you?

 So, you believe that when God closes a door he also opens a window?  Right?

Last Sunday I reaffirmed my baptismal vows as I watched the Christening of someone else's child.  The child's name was Addison Grace.

Addison Grace.  It was like a bolt of lightening ran through me when I heard the priest say her name.  Spontaneous tears spilled from my eyes.  Memories brief, yet a lifetime, ran through my mind in the flash of an instant.

Twenty years ago I lost a baby whom I named, Addison Grace.  She was the twin sister to my son, Cooper John.  While he has thrived in our lives, Addy has lived in our hearts alone.

Is it how high you build your dreams that makes a difference or how high your faith can climb?  Is what matters how much you accomplish, or how many lives you touch?

Are you shaped by the circumstances in your life, or how you handle your circumstances?  Is your comfort zone a place where you can be you?  Is it where you are who you are?  Could it possibly define the reason you are dependable, constant, loyal and reliable or...

Are you more laid back and go with the flow?  Does that mean you're not rigid and you're fun and carefree and spontaneous?  Is that the way everyone should be?

Should you change to make someone else happy?  Do you think that people should love you for who you are, or that you should become someone that people will love?

Why do I ask so many questions?

Life is but a brief moment.  The years go by quickly and old age arrives suddenly before we have an inkling.  People desire so many things and waste their days in vain.  Some yearn for money, others for power, yet others for glory and a higher station.  But when death's moment nears and they look back at the lives they've lived, they realize they've been happy only during those moments when they have loved.  How about you?

I'm so blessed by having loved.  I have loved deeply, thoroughly and even when there is no gain but,  I've never loved in vain.  Because I am always blessed by having loved.

And ever has it been that loves knows not its own depth, until the hour of separation. "Kahil Gibran"

But, at the end of the day, there is one thing about which I have no doubt.  Quoting A.A. Milne,  when Christopher Robin tells Pooh, "You will find in that moment you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem...and smarter than you think.  Promise me you will always remember."

Addison Grace, I promise I will always remember.  You are written on my heart.  Because I have loved you, I am happy.

And this I know for sure ~ I'm honored that I write this little blog and can share with you my thoughts and the beauty which surrounds me every day.  You have been my heart lifters, my self esteem boosters, my dream catchers and my good listeners.  THANK YOU for hearing me when I write, for looking at my thoughts through my photos and for responding with love.  The colors in these sunsets keep me warm no matter how cold it gets outside or inside my heart.  And I love you more than that.




Karen said...

Tia, this is so beautifully written, I had no idea you were a writer!... and I am sorry for your loss, and in awe of all the love that clearly surrounds your life.

NanaDiana said...

Tia- We have one more bond in common...I, too, lost one twin and the other lives on. It is a small, strange world that connects all of here, isn't it?

My heart aches for you because I know that the pain is never really gone...you always wonder the "what-ifs". My dd also lost a daughter, due to hospital error, and my heart aches even more for her than it does for my own pain.

You are a good, blessed and sweet soul, Tia, and I am so happy to have found you here.

If you are up to praying one more prayer pop by my blog today and read about Debbie. She desperately needs prayers today. Hugs-Diana

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

nothing like a morning cry at my desk.

This was beautiful and the photo's took my breath away.....like you my dear.

((((Cyber Hugs))))

Nicole said...

Wow...you almost had me in tears, AT WORK! LOL You're writing is so beautiful and really makes people think about the feeling of love, being loved and loving others.

Thank you for your willingness to write and share your emotions :)

Amy said...

This is such a lovely, lovely post. Your pictures (as always) are just breathtaking and provide the perfect backdrop to your writing.

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Addison Grace is such a beautiful name. This post did it's job at honoring her angelic soul.


Debbie Dillon said...

What an awesome post and gorgeous pictures. Thank you for sharing from the heart. Beautiful :)
God Bless,

kerrie of sea cottage said...

Oh this post is beautiful. What a lovely God ordained moment for you in renewing your vows of faith...along with Addison Grace. I too have lost babies. The first we did not name...the second Rose Juliet. We will see them again one day, in eternity. I look forward to meeting the first, I think he/she is a boy but not sure. And Rose Juliet I think of often and miss her.

Pam said...

I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious Addison Grace. What an emotional moment it must have been hearing your daughter's name at that baptism. I, too, lost a baby daughter at birth 19 years ago and your words of remembrance to Addy spoke to me. {{hugs}}

bichonpawz said...

What a loving post Tia. I am so sorry for your loss. You have a beautiful writing style and I thank you each and every day for sharing your life with us here. Hugs and prayers to you, my friend...you do live in a beautiful place!

Steadfast Ahoy! said...

Tia, Sweetly written and wonderfully touching. My mother's first baby boy died in the horribly protracted process of his 3 day delivery. All my life, I heard about my big brother, and I wondered about who he would have become. My mother still grieves every August 8th missing him.

lila Check said...

This ,perhaps,the most beautiful and meaningful post I've read in a very long time. God wanted me to read it today,to come here and think about my life...thank you my dear friend.
May God bless you...and give you comfort in your sorrow.
PS: a follower.

Elena said...

What a lovely post!

I'm so glad you came by my blog today and that I was able to come by and read it.

My 90-year-old great aunt says that every loss breaks our hearts, and then it heals, but the scar stays with us forever. A heart that carries a lot of scars also carried a lot of love. I like that. Your beautiful scar is 20, and will be with you always.

In peace,


Angel said...

Beatiful photographies :)

LBDDiaries said...

What a thought provoking and thoughtful post! And what goosebumps to hear your daughter's name shared with someone elses' daughter!

I have to respectfully disagree with Kahil Gibran - I would hope to love Alpha Hubby completely, knowing the depth of it now, not at the hour separation! We try to live our life that way together. Still - amazing amazing post.

Maya @ Completely Coastal said...

That is an amazing synchronicity! Life IS amazing and forever..., so much bigger and more beautiful than what we're seeing here..., well we could see it if we weren't so distracted by physical circumstances, I believe. I'm working on that!!

Neil and Susan said...

You are a blessing.... your post touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing something that is so much a part of you.xoxo

MsBabyPlan said...

So touching and beautiful post. The photos, and words, everything show how much Addy is on you heart.

Thanks for sharing your feelings.

I am inspired by people who love you for who you are (I hope you can read more on http://confessionsof30something.blogspot.com and tell me wht you think :).

mice_aliling said...

Hello, Tia. I'm a first timer in your blog and I instantly felt the connection when I saw the beach sunset photos. And then I read on...I couldn't stop. It's wonderful of you to share something so sentimental to the world. You are a wonderful person and that is why you are blessed. :)

Vikki said...

Tia, you are so beautifully spoken. Your voice is honest and true: thank you for sharing that part of you with us. Your love, trust, and faith have obviously made you the beautiful lady you are today, and I hope to learn from your example. Consider me hooked <3