24 December 2010

Sex Ed - Finally!

When my kids were adolescents I tried to give them "the sex talk".  I was very gentle, conservatively starting out the whole talk saying, "We are going to talk about the sanctity of life".  After I spoke about the sanctity of life,  what our family believes in and the values of our faith, it time to explain the mechanics of sexual intercourse.  I had bought a book.  Yes, a book which I thought would put a bit of a humorous twist to a serious subject.  The sanctity of life part was easy.  I used our apologetics books, our pro life books and conversation we have on almost a daily basis anyway.  For the mechanics part I thought having a bit of fun with it would make it less embarrassing for them me.

The talk didn't go so well.  They looked at me with diverse stares.  Everything from stark horror, to hanging their head embarrassment.  One even said to me, "Mom, I'm just not ready to hear this yet".  She was 16!  The other said  in a horrified tone, "Mom, they must have thought of a better way to do it than that by now!"  Um, not that I know of son but,  perhaps we can look for another book on that in the future.

Suffice it to say, I could see that they were not emotionally or age appropriately ready for, the talk, at that point in there lives, and I told them we'd come back to it later when they were more ready.  "If, in the meantime," I said, "you have any questions or hear anything on the playground that seems problematic for you, just come talk to me."

 Do you think it's possible I shelter my kids too much?  Do you get a notion that they are slow learners? Don't answer that.

Fast forward 10 years or so.

Whilst cleaning and organizing my daughters' closet after moving in to the cottage, we ran across THE BOOK.  Although the three I have gathered here, are now ages 23, 20, and 16, I decided maybe now would be a good time to approach the subject again.  After all, one has graduated from University, one is about to complete his second year at University, and the baby is in high school.  Surely now would be the best time to tell them the facts of life.  Certainly they are ready now!  After all, they're out there in the big world every day now and there are some things they just need to know.   It was now, or wait until their wedding days and I thought to myself, "You'll be much too busy dealing with guests, catering people and so on, on the wedding days of your children, to tell them about,  the facts of life."

 So, with a semblance of caution yet motherly advise in tact, (I take my job very seriously) you do know that it's my job to get them from here to eternity, don't you?  We embarked upon the book (again), HOW BABIES ARE MADE.  You can see here they haven't changed much.  The personalities of my offspring pretty much resemble their earlier views clearly at this point in their lives.  Kate has that, I'm uncomfortable, but I see you have cornered me in the closet and I-can't- get-out, expression embedded on her sweet little face.  Cooper is very excited to finally have Mommy read him this story so he can see if they've finally found a better way to do it, by now.  If you'll recall, he's an avid reader and voracious learner and was eager to finally get back to our discussion after all these years.

 As you can see, and may want to note, as this is a fabulously illustrated book, these chickens make it very clear what came first.  Or not.  The chicken or the egg?  Actually, we never did figure it out from the picture.  Matter of fact, we were all more confused than when we started.  Look at my baby still cornered over there on the floor.  We clearly had to close ranks so she could not escape.  Sometimes you have to force a child to listen no matter how they feel about it.  There are just some things a kid needs to know.  She  now defeatedly drops her head into her hands.  She may even be crying.  Let me warn you, sex talks are very embarrassing for some kids and you have to go slowly.  In her case it has taken 12 years to get through it and I'd say she hasn't quite completed the course yet, since she went through this latest bout with her eyes shut!

This part got a little more graphic but, by this point my sonny boy and I were quite enjoying ourselves.  Remember I told you he is a voracious learner?  We may or may not have been crying too.  But they were tears of hilarity!  I just love mommy and son moments, don't you?

When we got to the real people part, they both conceded it was pretty funny.  Kate even looks almost relieved.  I couldn't tell if it was because she didn't have to look at chickens copulating anymore or because the ordeal talk was almost finished.  I can't transcribe the wording from the book here in this post.  I'm sure it would infringe on some copyright law, and besides, this is a G-rated blog.  Their responses weren't exactly my hoped for reactions but, I decided to let it sit for a while and sink in.  Perhaps they'll find the seriousness of it as time goes on and it's more relevant for them.

Then, the baby appeared.  That's her behind me in the white sweatshirt.  My sonny boy became suddenly serious and disturbed.  He was blatantly disgusted with me.  He scolded me bluntly, declaring,  "How can you talk about this in front of the baby!  Close the book.  She's not ready for this yet."  Clearly.

So, I figure in 10 years or so I'll try again.  One thing you learn as you grow older and wiser is that,  it's never wise to rush things.  Life goes by fast enough.  Amen.

Love you more than all the chickens laying eggs, right now!




Karen said...

LOL... oh, Tia, I love this post. And WHERE did you ever get that BOOK???..

Merry Christmas to you and yours -

LBDDiaries said...

I'm... speechless, really. CHICKENS? Why would they pick chickens to break the news to children/young adults?? I would have been scarred for life - I may still be - ewww. Chickens???? Just kidding! I don't envy you attempting this with the youngest again - that's a fail twice now - let us start praying now! Merry Christmas

bichonpawz said...

Seriously Tia! This is hilarious!!! Great post!! What fun you all have!! Merry Christmas to you and your family!!

Tim Lilley said...

Dear Tia - I would like to visit with you regarding a TV movie airing in early January that deals specifically with issues related to adoption and foster care. Please contact me when you can tlilley at maximusmg dot com - and thank you in advance. Happy New Year, and God Bless! Tim

covnitkepr1 said...

Toooo Funnnny. Way to funny.

I have added myself to follow your blog. You are more than welcome to visit my blog and become a follower also.

Amy said...


I LOVE THIS...JUST LOVE THIS! The book, the illustrations, the pictures of Kate wanting to crawl into a hole and never see the chicken love again...all of it: HILARIOUS!

I have GOT to get that book for my talk one day! Too funny:)

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

I haven't seen that book, but we have a few around here too...it went about as well for me as it did for you. I think they start to think about mom and dad and suddenly the yuck factor comes out :-) You had me LOL on this one my friend!!!