Machete Madness

My hubby is the best!  He took me on my first vacation to Hawaii in years.  All I can say is,  "we needed it man."   We were blessed to go to one of the most beautiful islands in the world, staying at the "Napili Kai" on Maui, in the same condo my hubby grew up in during the summers, with his large family of seven.  Now that must have been peaceful, yes?

The following will recount and reaffirm my theory that, boys men will be boys.  Let me know if you agree.  No machete's were actually involved in this task but worse, a dull (if it wasn't dull then, it certainly is now!) Knife.

Here's how this escapade went down.  If you are squeamish or have an over active imagination, skim over the pics quickly.  Otherwise enjoy because, it is Maui after all.

MAUI, HAWAII.  Tis Paradise.  The soft trade winds kiss your skin while the 80 degree water makes bobbing up and down with the gentle waves feel like you are in the womb again.  Bliss.

 The flora and fauna are bigger and brighter in the tropics.  "Land of the Giants" comes to mind.

Boulders touch the water where turtles and brilliantly colored fish quietly go about their business as curious snorkelers snap their underwater photos.  But mostly at Napili it's just quiet and tropical, and the pina coladas aren't half bad either.

Even the food is tastier when you're relaxed and everything is fresh.  The colors, like everything else are brilliant, and because your senses are heightened the taste is magnifico!  But now, is where "The Madness" comes in.

There are huge coconuts on the ground everywhere in Hawaii.  I don't know if you've ever seen one outside the market with the husk on and all.  It's a big ol thing which looks to me like getting into would be an overcomeable obstacle.  I'm kind of a pacifist  pessimist.  The man I am married to is not!  While my hubby sat down on the ground, overlooking the Napili Bay, I was lounging nearby with a good book, quietly keeping one eye open whilst wondering what he was up to.  Because from past experience, you never know.

He kept going in and out of the kitchen with his "find" and I just giggled at the thought of him trying to get that thing open with his bare hands.  Then I saw this.

I quickly did what any self respecting woman of the 21st Century would do, and Googled, "How To Husk A Coconut."  The first thing it said was:  1.  If you don't feel confident using a knife, DON'T USE ANY METHOD INVOLVING ONE.  2.  Don't use your teeth because they may break. Duh.
3.  Use eye covering because pieces may fly off into the eyes causing serious damage or even blindness.  As you can clearly see, he did not heed any of these suggestions rules.

As my friend Sue in Ireland would say, "All righty then."

During the process of using his Eagle Scout survivor skills to open this daunting looking fruit, knowing that the end result would produce a juicy core and delicious sweet coconut meat which we could slightly bake and have a delectable treat,  I alternately closed my eyes, gave explicit instructions from the internet, and reminded him once again how squeamish I am, and that if I were to see one drop of blood, to say nothing of severed extremities, I would be of no help because, I would be running at breakneck speed in the opposite direction, arms flailing, tears streaming.  Seriously, I don't even know how to do a tourniquet, more less would I try.

"Easy peasy," said he.

You are supposed to use a machete or a meat cleaver to hack off the husk.  My man however, used a dull knife from the kitchen since our condo didn't come equipped with a machete.  Rentals these days, sheesh.  Are you listening "Survivor?"  You then proceed to find one of the three eyes and use a screw driver to open the soft one (he used a cork screw).  He's very good at improvising.  Eagle Scout here,  he reminded me more than once.  After removing the outer husk and through an open hole in the inner husk, you hold the fruit over a bowl as the sweet water pours out. You then use a machete or a meat cleaver to hack off the remaining husk.

If you microwave it for 15 minutes and then freeze it for 15 more, the meat is supposed to easily slip form the shell and you're almost there.  Well, that's a lesson that you shouldn't believe everything you read on the internet!  We tried the alternate suggestion of using a potato peeler to peel off the inner husk but that was even more pathetic.

Look how proud he is.  All limbs still intact.  I think.

Say what?  Men are exhausting.  I'm going back inside to do yoga.

Zen on.  Peace out.

Love you more than all the coconuts on the island of Hawaii.

Blessings,

Tia